Washington, D.C. – September 28, 2025
In a leak Pam Bondi’s press conference rehearsal tape exposes her as the ultimate insider rebel, or just a woman with zero fucks left. Caught mid-monologue: “Yeah, I know. I’m a total sell out. I’m having a ball and have my own jet! I agree with most of you that we should release the Epstein Files. But the big orange turd won’t let me. Unlike Kristi Noem, I won’t fuck the big fat orange pig. Cry more, fucking libs.”
Trumpers are apoplectic, branding it treason against the tangerine throne. Libs? Ejaculating schadenfreude online. Noem’s team? “No comment on porcine fantasies.” Epstein truthers are toasting her accidental allyship.
Bondi’s spinning it as “AI prank,” but honey, that’s rawer than sushi. If this is her exit strategy, book the comedy tour. In politics, you’re either the pig or the lipstick—cry more, indeed.
