Dynastic Grifters

How are Uday & Qusay Hussein any different than Don Jr., Ivanka, and Eric Trump?

By David B. Wheeler, Co-Founder of American Muckrakers and Co-Host of the Muck You Podcast

Ladies and gentlemen, step into the circus of dynastic dimwittery, where the sons of strongmen and showmen juggle privilege with the grace of a blindfolded mule! Behold Uday and Qusay Hussein, Iraq’s pilfering princelings, and their American echoes, Donald Trump Jr. and Eric Trump, the star-spangled money-grubbers. Branded “Uday and Qusay” by Bill Maher and etched in Michael Wolff’s Fire and Fury, the Trump boys mirror their Iraqi counterparts in greed and gall, with a latent hunger to wreak havoc if ever unleashed.

As co-founder of American Muckrakers and co-host of the Muck You Podcast, I’m here to sling Mark Twain’s brand of biting satire, exposing how these heirs fleece their flocks, and how, given a chance, the Trump duo could rival the Hussein havoc.

The Hussein Heirs: Iraq’s Looting Lunatics

Uday and Qusay Hussein, spawned in Saddam’s shadow, treated Iraq like their personal casino, rigging every slot. Uday, the cackling sadist, ran oil and cigarette smuggling rings, pocketing $100 million yearly, per a 2003 New York Times report, while Iraqis starved under sanctions. His Babylon palace, crammed with Ferraris, a pet lion, and gold-plated guns, was a monument to theft. Qusay, the icy schemer, looted the Central Bank, hauling off $1 billion in cash days before Baghdad’s fall, much of it vanished, per a 2003 Guardian probe. Their havoc was apocalyptic: Uday’s tortures and Qusay’s mass executions crushed dissent, leaving Iraq a husk. These weren’t mere grifters; they were chaos incarnate, their birthright a license to burn a nation to ash.

The Trump Tots: America’s Grift Gurus

Modern Day Husseins.

Now, squint at the Mar-a-Lago mirage, where Don Jr. and Eric Trump hawk their father’s name like snake oil salesmen on a bender. Don Jr., the bellowing blowhard, cashed in on his White House access during a 2017 India trip, where Trump-branded condo deals netted millions as developers paid $15,000 for “consulting” chats, per The Washington Post. Eric, the quieter crook, turned the Trump Foundation into a family slush fund; Forbes (2016) exposed how his “charity” golf events funneled $500,000 to Trump businesses, with donors (often influence-seekers) left holding the bag. Both cheered Saudi Arabia’s LIV Golf, which paid undisclosed millions to Trump courses in 2022, per The New York Times, trading patriotism for petrodollars. These boys don’t just grift; they erode trust, turning America’s democracy into a pay-to-play pageant.

A Havoc Held in Check (For Now)

The parallels are as loud as a saloon brawl. Uday’s smuggling and Don Jr.’s condo cons both siphon wealth from the public good, oil for one, influence for the other. Qusay’s bank heist finds a petty parallel in Eric’s charity scams, where altruism masks avarice. Both pairs wield their fathers’ clout like a crowbar, prying open treasuries or markets while sneering at the commoner. The Husseins robbed Iraq of billions, leaving corpses; the Trumps fleece Americans of faith, leaving cynicism. But here’s the kicker: if Don Jr. and Eric had their way, unshackled by laws or scrutiny, their havoc could rival the Husseins’. Don Jr.’s Russia rendezvous (branded “treasonous” by Steve Bannon) and Eric’s gleeful Saudi deals hint at a reckless hunger for power. Given a dictatorship’s leash, these boys might not torture or execute, but their greed could gut institutions as surely as Uday’s goons gutted dissidents. Only America’s creaky checks, courts, media, and voters, keep their chaos at bay.

The Satirical Snag

Let’s not polish the turd too shiny. Uday and Qusay’s crimes, murder, torture, and genocide, dwarf the Trump boys’ hustles. The Husseins thrived in a lawless hell; Don Jr. and Eric dodge subpoenas, not guillotines. Iraq’s plunder was blood-soaked; America’s is bureaucratic, a slow bleed of trust. Yet the “Uday and Qusay” jab stings because it exposes a shared DNA: dynastic greed, untethered by merit. The Trump boys, restrained by democracy’s guardrails, still dream of a world where their whims rule. Left unchecked, their havoc could echo the Husseins’, not in body count, but in broken systems and betrayed ideals.

A Twain-ish Reckoning

Mark Twain, that old scoundrel, quipped, “Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.” The Husseins and Trumps advertise their greed like circus posters, their names a substitute for virtue. Uday’s palaces and Don Jr.’s jet-set brags sing the same tune: “We’re rich because we’re us!” At American Muckrakers and on the Muck You Podcast, we torch such folly with laughter’s flame, for satire cuts deeper than sermons. So, dear reader, join our rabble-rousing ranks. Subscribe to this Substack, tune into our podcast, donate today, and let’s keep these grifters squirming under scorn’s spotlight, lest they turn America into their own private Babylon.

DBW

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